A Letter to a Healer

     It has been almost 5 years since my life began again venturing out into the world as a person of worth for the very first time.  For now, I am whole – filled with essential purpose overflowing from the great cup of life.  Before illness, I was broken into pieces of “have to’s”, and “should be’s”.  Now I am who I am – a beacon of love, of life and of kindness – an instrument to share with the world this wondrous vision of Peace. 

     It never occurred to me at the time I met Him that he would be a driving force in what would become a burning desire in me to help others.  For at that time, I was trying with all my heart to preserve this self.  But the hope that existed deep inside this heart drove me onward – forcing me through the obstacles that stood on The Way.  There was nothing that could stop me from finding the answers.  A need to be, far outweighed the never- ending victim thoughts inside this head.  I had to exist – and each day of struggle made that wish ever stronger. 

     Our work together at first looked very simple, but in hindsight was quite complex – as it covered not just a sick body – but a wounded soul.  It would take a Key Master, to open the doors that led to the answers to free me.  The infinite keys He held in his hands, overwhelmed me. As it turned out, One simple key was all it took. 
The key was that of my most persistent hope. 

     At first when I began this letter, I thought I was writing about my doctor – as he healed me in many wonderful ways.  But now as I write I realize this is a letter to him as my heart has a deeper knowing of the Healer beside him.  The One who came to our examining room and sat between us time and time again.  The One behind my doctor’s smile and behind his eyes.  The One who gave him the eyes from which to see and the heart to touch my hand.  The One who brought him to the place of compassion when he first met me. 
The One.
        

     For as long as I could remember there was a dark, quiet, pensive place inside of me that would only be nurtured within the silence and the true meaning of life.  As a young girl I sat in the library between the aisles of shelves with books in hand; books of essence and poetry and philosophy, that brought me to a deeper place within.  Escaping from a world of fast paced learning and competition, I sat there surrounded by the wisdom of the centuries – away from the screaming realities that I thought I must tend to.  Deep within these shelves, laid the keys to a child’s kingdom – simple, white papers with black ink – depicting the map of a future heart's desire. A path that laid uncovered.
I was in tune with this deep within, but a child is taught to ignore heart and to follow her mind. 
And so it was that the break between this heart and mind began.

     Looking back it would have been so simple if I had learned to heed my heart’s call.  But I was not ready to rest in those books, in those quiet, secluded aisles that somehow I yearned for.  I went on to live a mind's life – to explore new worlds and be new things.  So very far from heart I wandered.  So very far from who I was and who I was destined to be.
 

     The ever-winding road I walked led to priceless gifts along the way, but alas to great struggle.  The competition between mind and heart is never considered easy.  It is a duel between virtue and compliance, between integrity and competition, between peace and unease.  And it was this struggle that began the cracking of the protective shell of ego that had taken years to build strong - the shell that distanced the world from my heart – the depth of the shell protecting my ears from hearing its wailing calls.  Later to manifest as a broken body.

     Illness and suffering deepened the journey toward wholeness – as I could clearly hear through the cracks that there was more to who I was beneath the shattered shell, down there – that this tedious cracking was necessary.  Just like a desperate squirrel caught in a well, the efforts to salvage a will to survive became the quest I endeavored for many years.  A fight to find what had attacked my body – became a fight to uncover what had ravaged my soul. 

     Underneath it all, laid The Key Master.  His disguise was so cloaked that I had forsaken Him.  He had tried to take me on the direct journey to this heart, but my thoughts about this self, conditioning from the past and the thickness of this shell prevented me from seeing that.  I had been on the crooked path to completeness – following mind and not heart.  Each detour I walked through took me further from my path – further from being who I was, further from living my heart’s truth. 

     Until I finally gave up, and sat on the side of the road with the emptiness inside of me, the shell stayed intact.  Within the silence and the emptiness one could hear piece-by-piece crack as if a lonely chick were inside laboring to get out.  The chick, my inner Essence, the Self – this life, fighting to exist yet ever so imprisoned by a shell that I had unknowingly created.  That life so connected with the One, the Key Master – the Entity that would arise from within to set me free. 

     From that emptiness a man with great compassion came into light – one with a depth that he may not be the knowing of – who stopped and listened and heard at long last, a weak voice deep within me.  It wasn’t just the science or the medicine that brought about this sacred healing.  It was the deeper listening and most of all the essential connection between this tormented voice, and his deep heart.  The One was in the room with us, clearly felt by the joy in my heart when we worked together.  But neither one of our mouths said the words,
nor acknowledged that this Other was even part of our precious work together. 

     In hindsight I can almost see clearly the picture of God hovering over us as we worked together to find the solutions to set my Essence free from a body that was too broken to do the heart’s work.  Through the heart, hope leaked out from underneath the burden of a hopeless mind. 

     Hope – what is that?  Hope, we spoke of.  

     In those 15 years of illness, I could not clearly see what had happened as I was dealing from a place of thought.  My mind had become so overactive that this heart remained uncovered beneath the rubble of a cracked shell.  It listened to other minds, many wrong, trying to lead me out of the misery of illness and pain through means that were of mere science.  Mere science alone cannot heal.  Mere science alone whether admitted or not,
contains variables that even the most perfect of all scientists cannot control. 
What variable, you ask?  The variable of Grace. 

     Nothing happens in this life without the variable of Grace.  We cannot see it, and when we are deep in endless thought we cannot feel it.  And in science that which we cannot see, prove or reproduce does not exist.  If you ask a doctor he will tell you, “Medicine is not an exact science”.  No science is.  The experimenter himself is a life Essence. 
And within the concept of life lies the Unmanifested - always the element of Grace. 

     When one struggles – from a place of mind there is no such thing as hope, there is only the darkness. It is seen by the mind empty of solutions and answers, bringing the thinker back to the questions themselves. In this darkness a patient’s mind can only imagine all the fearful endeavors that await.  It begins to envision these struggles and worst-case scenarios creating more “what if” questions than a heart could ever hold.  It obsesses on finding the answers that will not come, going round and round within the same question.  When finding no solutions,
a problem must be continually revisited until finally, surrender, a mind gives up –
and from there comes the trueness of Grace. 

     However, heart sees unknown as opportunity and liberation from the known - as the darkness is felt as a wondrous place of infinite possibilities.  Somewhere within this darkness lies the freedom of goodness, love, compassion and joy. There is no imprisonment of these feelings, as the darkness has no limits, no limiting doors or bars. There is a field within that darkness
 where beauty flies, and souls are set free. 
It is called hope. 

     From deep within the emptiness in this field of hope rises God.  God springs up from the depth of despair, the feelings of lack, and helplessness.  When one listens to that wailing voice from beneath the cracked shell, surrendering to it and allowing it to do its work – a life can be miraculously changed. 
From sickness to health – from mind to heart. 

     The man who came into the examining room may be innocent of this Grand Being present between he and the patient.  But if he is cognizant, and if he allows his heart to bond with the Grace of this Being, a connection between himself and his patient becomes a connection through Grace.  And the healing powers of such an encounter are endless, infinite, and sacred – taking on the qualities of the One,
Our God, the Creator of all things: infinite, omnipotent and omniscience. 

     I will speak to this man soon of this vision of peace, love, and healing that science can bond with –
to create the complete beauty of a healed soul.  I will speak to him of
the One being present within the room of healing, each time he sees a new patient. 
And as for these two souls – this doctor and this patient,
Grace has been the catalyst that has changed our lives incessantly. 
For him, our synchronous meeting has changed the how in ways that he doctors and heals,
and for me, it has changed my essential purpose forever.

-Frannie Rose